Becoming a Safe Person in a Safe Place

Me at Blarney Castle, Photo by Cynthia Lucas

Becoming a Safe Person in a Safe Place

“We who are strong have an obligation to bear with the failings of the weak, and not to please ourselves.  Let each of us please his neighbor for his good, to build him up.”  Romans 15:1-2 (ESV)

           

           A very important part of connecting to a client is creating a safe space that is conducive to the client being able to feel the ability to be open and share about his/her personal life.  Thomas and Sosin (2011) describe a number of factors that contribute to a safe space, including tangible factors, such as an office that has comfortable furniture, a reasonable temperature, quiet, well-ordered, and a counselor who is dressed appropriately for the location and clientele he is seeing.

            It is good to have a place that feels safe and comfortable, but Thomas and Sosin (2011) point out that intangible factors are far more important, which means that I as a counselor need to become a safe person.  After all, shelter in a storm is only as good as the one who controls it.  For example, a trio of survivors in 28 Days Later find shelter from the zombies in a fortress defended by a group of highly vigilant soldiers.  While the location was comfortable and had relatively adequate amenities, the soldiers guarding it turned out to be sexually hungry and desired to rape the women should they be unwilling to give themselves to the men.  Therefore, the fortress’ intangible factors made the situation very unsafe, if not harmful, to those seeking shelter.

            In the same way, I need to become a safe person in the safe space I am providing.  I need to learn the skills of withholding judgment, even subtly affirmative language, of empathizing instead of minimizing the client’s emotions, of exploring the client’s challenges instead of trying to fix them, and learning to judge my conceptions of the client’s challenges rather than assuming I know what is going on (Thomas & Sosin, 2011).  Only then will I be a safe person in which to confide.

References

Thomas, J. C. & Sosin, L. (2011). Therapeutic Expedition. Nashville, TN: B&H Publishing Group.