Caption:
Piranha attack
URL: https://cdn.pixabay.com/photo/2013/06/08/17/24/piranhas- 123287_960_720.jpg
When preparing to give a client any sort of feedback,
it is important to consider how the client will react to the feedback. Throughout the past semester, there was a guy
I was working with on the hall. To me he
had a very abrasive personality and I did not agree with many of the things he
said or did. Simply put, he is a huge
jerk. I tried talking to him about his
actions and choice of words, but whenever I would confront him, he would get
defensive and felt attacked. No matter
the calmness or rearranging of words, he would always further build up a
wall. Given that he is a stubborn
person who continually believed himself to be right, he would then attack me
for pointing something out. He did not
want to be the one who had a flaw.
Young (2017) mentions the use of I-messages and how
stating how things makes the one helping feel, puts things into a different
perspective. If I were to say to this
individual that I am uncomfortable with the way he jokes around with others
(because in doing so he puts others down), then there may be a better connection
and he may see where I am coming from.
It is interesting to note that Shechtman and Sarig (2016) found that
feedback did not help improve the overall progress of children/adolescence in a
group counseling setting. This
individual is not a child or adolescent and my interactions with him have been more one-on-one.
Bucher and Manning (2001) write that “you” messages focus on the other
person and can build walls or roadblocks, while “I-messages” can provide
transparency through empathy. This may
then prove to be an effective way to provide feedback to an individual.
Bucher, K. T., & Manning, M. L. (2001). Exploring
the foundations of middle school classroom management: the theoretical
contributions of B. F. Skinner, Fritz Redl and William Wattenberg, William
Glasser, and Thomas Gordon all have particular relevance for middle school
educators. Childhood Education, 78(2), 84+. Retrieved from
http://ezproxy.liberty.edu/login?url=http://go.galegroup.com/ps/i.do?p=ITOF&sw=w&u=vic_liberty&v=2.1&it=r&id=GALE%7CA81857965&sid=summon&asid=937004b202ff21e96e28dd4712fea8ff
Shechtman, Z., & Sarig, O. (2016). The Effect of
Client Progress Feedback on Child/Adolescent’s Group-Counseling Outcomes. The
Journal for Specialists in Group Work, 41(4), 334-349. doi:10.1080/01933922.2016.1232323
Young, M. E. (2017). Learning the art of helping:
building blocks and techniques (6th ed.). Boston: Pearson.
Hey Julian! I really appreciate this post. It sounds like it is really frustrating to talk to this guy. Sometimes it can be really hard to continue to try and help people who do not want it and aggressively defend themselves. I like the "I-messages" technique because it lessens the risk of a defensive response. When people feel attacked or criticized they build that wall you are talking about, but in directing the confrontation in such a way that you are letting the person know how they are hurting you, it can help them realize what they are really doing to others.
ReplyDeleteThank you for this piece Julian! When someone is doing something wrong we tend to blame the person for their actions which in other words "add oil to the fire." The situation escalates, and nothing is solved. This technique helps to bring the individual's attention to how he or she feels when the giver behaves the way he or she did. Switching the blaming stance to a more personal stance allows the individual to see the effects of his or her action.
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