Holding Hand
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Many researchers have reported that establishing a working alliance is related to successful counseling outcomes (Wei & Heppner, 2005). Many times as counselors we may tend unintentionally place ourselves in the expert seat. While we may have had the opportunity to acquire a vast amount of information and skills throughout the years, we are still life time learners. We may in fact be "experts" on "Reflecting meaning" and other counseling skills,but we are not experts on our clients. We are learners of our clients. In our Therapeutic Expedition text book the writer educates the reader on the role of counselor as a "helper" to the client. One statement that really stood out to me was " If you approach the counselees from a professional position you create a sterile and nonauthentic role with the counselee. You are not the professional; you are a human being called to minister to the person. Interact with your counselee out of your personhood rather than out of a role" (Thomas & Sosin, 2011, p. 301).
I love how the book reminds us that our job is to be "human" with our clients. We as counselors have to go through a humbling process. It is easy to be an expert with a vast amount of knowledge but it takes grace to walk with the client hand by hand, as a human. As a counselor we must realize that our client's have come to counseling because they desire support. They want to experience a human, not google. Many times as counselors we may feel like we need to always have the answer for our client. What if the client is not looking for an answer but they are looking for a person? When we develop a strong alliance with our clients we as counselors can then take the appropriate actions needed to address the client's difficulty (Marmarosh & Kivlighan, 2012). Our clients may sometimes need permission to be vulnerable. They may have difficulty truly trusting someone else into their messy lives. The client needs to be reassured that we are in fact "holding their hand". We are partnering with them as they journey through life. On the other hand, if we are constantly behaving as the "professional" and never display our human qualities will we ever develop a true authentic counseling relationship that heals?
We are to hold our client's hand and assure them that we are here to walk with them, not ahead of them. Furthermore, as believers we should constantly take the humble seat of the Holy Spirit being the expert of this individual and not us. Our views, at times, can be tainted and distorted from stigmas, judgement, values, and even prior knowledge. Each client is individualized. Thus, we must take time to ask the Holy Spirit to get to know this son or this daughter uniquely in his or her own present difficulty. We must not enter into the counseling relationship with an "I've seen this before" mentality but we must humbly recognize that we are humans before we are professionals. Maintaining this mindset will assist us in our empathy for our clients in the near future.
Thomas, J. C., & Sosin, L. (2011). Therapeutic expedition: equipping the Christian counselor for the journey. Nashville, TN: B & H Publishing Group.
Marmarosh, C. L., & Kivlighan, D. M. (2012). Relationships among client and counselor agreement about the working alliance, session evaluations, and change in client symptoms using response surface analysis. Journal of Counseling Psychology, 59(3), 352-367. doi:10.1037/a0028907
Wei, M., & Heppner, P. P. (2005). Counselor and client predictors of the initial working alliance: A replication and extension to taiwanese Client–Counselor dyads. The Counseling Psychologist, 33(1), 51-71. doi:10.1177/0011000004268636
This is a powerful post and good reminder. In the counseling environment their is an automatic power difference between the counselor and client. It is important for the counselor to remember this, and remember that the client is the expert of their own life. We do not have all the answers, and we cannot fix people. We are called to walk alongside clients. I like that this aspect of counseling requires a great deal of humility and consistent introspection. It is also a good reminder that while we should be an educated resource for our clients, we should also be able to maintain that empathetic connection with them that develops a trusting relationship. Clients do not want to be talked to and given advice; they want to be heard. This may require appropriate self disclosure and professional boundaries, but we can level the environment to promote the most effective counseling atmosphere.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Khal, Dominque this was an awesome post and it is so true. We must remember to keep control of our emotions no matter what we want to say or do. Our clients are fragile at their most lowest and one word misspoken can cause irreparable damage. The fact that every time we meet with a client we must put ourselves in their shoes, and humble ourselves to be able to help the client. Then we will be able to walk hand in hand in peace.
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