Bonnie Tucker    Circle of security/2

Presentation by Dr. Bob Marvin

I loved this presentation. Dr. Marvin’s explanation on the Circle of Security was so easy to follow. I can hardly wait until they return with more ways to learn this information. His presentation was so easy to understand, as an upcoming counselor my first thoughts would have been what is wrong with this child. Dr. Marvin explained how it was not the child but the relationship between child and Mom or caregiver.

I am not sure right now that I would have picked up on the cues that the child was sending out, if it had not been shown to me. The idea of the Circle of Security is amazing.  Growing up in a home with a loving family, I do not believe I was ever in a position where I felt unloved or not wanted, I was blessed. Maybe, that is why I did not see some of the cues.  Then we have the Circle of Limited Security, this is where the biggest response is on the parent, the parent must be alert to the pattern the child is carrying out.  If the parent is not a loving attentive parent he/she might miss the cues and then the child feels rejected, unloved, anxious, and avoiding. Then the pattern starts all over again with the same results. These patterns can be corrected using this program.  I really find this fascinating and want to learn more about it as well as the role that trauma plays into the relationship.

 https://www.pexels.com/photo/affection-baby-baby-girl-beautiful-377058/

 

The Search for Meaning

 

Caption: Staring at you or to the right (Online page)

URL: http://www.illusions.org/dp/confuse.jpg. Retrieved from http://www.illusions.org/dp/1-91.htm

“Huh?”, “what do you mean?”, “I’m confused”, “that’s crazy!”, “are you mad?”, “I will kill you!”

Ever caught yourself facepalming yourself, thinking that’s not what I meant at all or feeling completely misunderstood when you said something but it was misinterpreted? Looking at the above image a person might ask “do you see what I see?” Time and again our thoughts and feelings ae lost in translation to the world.

Perhaps you’ve known a teenager that said, “that’s not what I meant mom, why do you take things so literal?!” Meaning breaks down barriers and uncertainty, providing an open channel for communication with empathy. The psychiatrist Victor Frankyl reflects “for the meaning of life differs from person to person, from day to day and from hour to hour. What matters…is not the meaning of life in general but rather the specific meaning of a person’s life at a given moment” (Young, 2016, pg. 129). In other words, “Our emotional reaction is largely determined by the unique meanings we assign to the events of our lives” (Young, 2016, pg. 122).

In one country “turn up the door” is used to mean “close the door” or “plug out” instead of “unplug”. The word “unplug” may even refer to a person taking time away from the busyness of life. Phrases, words, and sentences connote different meanings. For the counselor-in-training learning to dig deeper by looking at underlying meanings or unspoken assumptions is important. Questions to consider include “why is this story important to the client? Why is he or she telling me this? What is it that bothers the client so much about the event?” (Young, 2016, pg. 131). The search for meaning is knowing not to assume but to simply, ASK.

Reference

Young, Mark E. (2016). Learning the art of helping: Building blocks and techniques 6^th edition. New York: Pearson Education.