There are many times, as aspiring counselors, where you are mentally trying to decipher what your next response ought to be. Although you might sincerely be interested in what the client is communicating, you also want to make sure that you actively respond to them. How do you balance the two?
Scholars have reported research stating that, individuals only listen to 30% of what they hear (McGuire, 2001). If the main characteristic of counseling is listening, can you possibly afford to neglect a healthy listening regiment? In chapter 4 in our "Learning the Art of Helping" book the author talks about the difficulty in "worrying about what to say next."
The first thing the author advises the counselor to do is shift his or her attention to the client. Often times if we are not careful the session will become more about the next helpful response rather than the actual progression of the client. "When you become focused on your own thoughts, you lose track of the client's story" (Young, 2017, p. 95). In a literal sense, when you are thinking about what you are going to say next, you have placed the conversation on pause until you have said what you have to say. This then becomes a cycle of semi-listening, thinking of a response, mentally holding that response, and then looking for a moment to interject that response. The attention is no longer directed toward what the client is saying, but the attention is now geared towards you.
The next tip Young (2017) offers is to respond to last thing the client said, rather than shifting to a new topic. I know many of you are saying " But what if I do not remember the last thing my client said?" The job then is simple, ask the client to repeat it back for you. Carl Rodgers gives an excellent relationship enhancer that I believe will help in the aspect of active listening and responding. He encourages counselors to become completely absorbed in the relationship in the present moment. He call this term "presence". "Effective listening requires conscious attention at all times" ( Helms & Hayes, 1992, p. 5).
In picture above there is a man in a boat. The water that surrounds him is still. He has a row, but he is not forcing a current but simply remaining "still". That is what I believe counseling is all about, remaining still and flowing with the current of the client's wave. We are not to forcefully paddle but simply respond as the client guides us through his or her life ocean.
Dominique Johnson
Dominique,
ReplyDeleteYour post was very insightful for me to ready personally. In our practice counseling sessions with our triads, I feel like this is the area I have caught myself struggling with the most. Although I am actively listening to what the client is saying, I catch myself thinking what I am going to say next when the client finishes talking. This almost makes me feel anxious during the session. When I am having thoughts in my own head about what I am going to say, it distracts me from truly understanding the extent of what my client has to say. As you pointed out, the focus of the session needs to be about the client’s progression, rather than my next point. Your explanation of semi-listening is exactly what I have been experiencing. In order to improve, during practice sessions, I have been working on placing my full focus and attention on what the client is saying. Instead of thinking of what I am going to say next, I have started seeking to understand the client and paraphrase their thoughts.
Kaitlin
Dominique and Kaitlin,
ReplyDeleteI appreciate your discussion on the importance of being fully present and listening to clients!
Dominique refers to Carl Rogers in her post, and Rogers does an excellent job of exhibiting the basic counseling skills. He is known as the Father of client centered therapy and in the video taped counseling sessions that I have seen of him he seems to capture the art of presence.
The other day I was having a dialogue with a colleague on what makes for a master therapist, and as we brainstormed we can down to a few qualities and skills. One of them is the ability to be fully present and mindful. I appreciate the term "still" that Dominique used here, because I think this also reminds us of what the Lord says to us in Psalm 46:10. He directs us to be still and know. It is interesting how our spiritual disciplines sometime mirror clinical disciplines and skills.